Thursday, August 27, 2009

seattle grace hospital

the last place you would EVER want to be should you need surgery or any other kind of medical treatment.

i really can't stomach "grey's anatomy." but my mother loves it, so there you go. we've been watching it for hours now.

i asked my mother (who's an RN), "are doctors really like that?"

her answer, "some are".

jesus fucking christ. i sure hope not. i mean all they all bring their personal baggage with them to the operating room (or O.R., if you will...). i don't want some over emotional, lovesick, fool operating on me.

give me the surgeon nurturing the secret morphine addiction, shooting up between his toes pre-op. at least he'll be calm and not all fucked up in the head over his co-worker. or his brain tumor. or the fact that he killed the last patients he worked on, who happened to be a pregnant woman and her unborn child. or you know...whatever.

i'm not sure whether it is better or worse than "private practice". right now i'm watching a storyline in which this guy got a throat tumor from going down on his HPV carrying girlfriend. no, really. don't feel bad...i'm laughing too.

and in other news... i ordered this ultra fabulous dress for my impending presentation. professional, but way stylish. even my mother likes it. and the zipper broke first thing. so i spent all night fixing that. but i'm still worried about the structural integrity of the dress. so i'm really hoping that the designer (i ordered it from an independent designer) is cool about switching it out. because it is the dress. there is no other that will make me happy. so fly.

and in more discouraging news... H1N1 has officially reached my area and we are on the verge of an outbreak.

so yeah.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

change of a dress

i went shopping today. for business-ish type clothing. let me assure you that i am not being overly dramatic when i relate that shopping for business(aka "professional") clothing is beyond lame.

the idea of this type of clothing conjures images of really depressing, unflattering clothing the likes of which i associate with bank tellers and pharmaceutical reps. frequent flyer miles and hotel bars.

now, bear in mind that i'm not opposed to suits (ie the jacket and dress or skirt ensemble) in every context. i am a huge fan of the chanel suit. and the dior suit. these are suits that let people know in no uncertain terms that you do indeed mean business. but sadly, as with many other things, my taste far exceeds my budget.

mostly i felt like a huge fraud. like in "pretty woman" when julia roberts goes to buy a cocktail dress. except i had to pay for it myself.

so now i have my suit and even some shoes (although they are not sensible). at least i look legit.

Monday, August 17, 2009

when allergies attack

to the right is my most hated enemy. the ragweed.
right now allergies have me seriously fucked up.
oh wait...that's the benadryl that i foolishly believed would make me feel better, but has so far only made me feel really loopy. and NOT in a good way.
yet, this is the most exciting thing that has happened to me lately. which is why i haven't been blogging. nothing to say. nothing has happened.
i worked like 50 hours last week. which is fine. i needed to. but i think all the work + stress related to things coming shortly (moving/paper presentation/etc) left me in a weakened state, hence more susceptible to the bastard ragweed.
hold up...two relatively exciting things have happened.
the first is that i made my own ghee. which i have never used for cooking, but now plan to integrate into everything i make (including the almond butter of yesterday...delicious).
the second is that my copy of carol queen's "real live nude girl: chronicles of sex-positive culture" arrived. it is awesome. carol queen is awesome. the link to her blog is to the left. i mean right. DAMMIT BENADRYL!!! warning: it is not for the faint of heart or those that harbor prudish tendencies. after all, this is the same woman who produced the instructional tape "bend over boyfriend." the title should be self-explanatory.
later. off to cook chicken tikka masala. with my real live homemade ghee.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

it's quarter to three..

there's no one in the place but you and me....
so set em' up joe...

actually it 't quarter to four. i went out tonight and got completely and utterly drunk. and now i can't sleep. the thing is... i didn't even want to go out. i wanted to stay home with tb. i don't know what happened.

like literally...i don't know what happened.

free shots. that's what happened. from some nasty guy who wanted to talk to one of the girls i was with about her tattoos. he was super gross.

i don't even remember the end of the night. i woke up in tb's bed and i don't know even how i got there.

it has been a REALLY long time since i drank that much.

i suppose i should enjoy it while i can. cause soon i won't even have time to drink one beer. but it makes me feel icky getting that drunk.

i hate not remembering what i did. i feel like now i have to make amends. chances are i didn't do anything much. i didn't even drink that much beer. it was the fucking shots that got me.

and there's someone i really want to talk to. and i can't. actually, i want to sit next to them, like that one night and just...something. talk. and be. and then some.

i miss you. and i don't know why.

it's like an itching in my heart. and, baby, i can't scratch it....

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

permanent record

i finally got my tattoo. i almost canceled my appointment because i am doing major rewriting on the never ending paper. but i couldn't reschedule, because it would have been super last minute. so took my work with me to the shop to do while i waited my turn. which worked out because they were running behind. but also didn't work out because i was so tired that i fell asleep on the couch at the tattoo shop. so by the time it was my turn i was all groggy and not as nervous as i expected. and i was so anxious to get back to work, because there was (is) so much to do.

and it didn't really hurt that much.

it is my permanent record of this period of transition. it was intended to be a present for myself (from myself) for finishing my MA. a bit late, but whatever.

if you are wondering, it is the star card from the aquarian tarot deck. it is my favorite card, even though technically the moon represents me, as i am a cancer. the star card is the card of hope.

some thought on the star card (courtesy of the internets):

The bright and radiant Star is the best card to meditate on to increase your self-esteem. It can improve your ability to trust in yourself. The Star radiates your own inner beauty.

If you are currently experiencing difficulties or have been depressed or unwell, the Star augurs healing. Your ability to let go of damaging memories has been strengthened by contact with your true self. Hatred, envy, bitterness, and revenge have burned themselves out and no longer shadow your life or potential for future happiness.
The Star card in tarot is often called a card of hope. Here, however, it is not hope as we often view it as wishful thinking, but in the archaic use of the word which means to have trust and confidence in the future.
There is nothing negative about this card, but I think there is a trick to it. Whatever hope, healing, or future it offers, the reader must remember that it might not be immediate. This is a soft card, and like Aquarius, its vision is for tomorrow, not today.

back to work.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

you're my obsession...


that's right. i have NEVER liked avocados. not even a little bit. now i can't eat enough. it's the weirdest thing. while i was in california, i ate the most delicious avocados. on the most delicious mexican food. which is another reason while california is superior to pretty much everywhere else. they were just so green. and good.

this year has been like that. all of the sudden, there are all of these foods that i have never, ever, EVER liked that now i crave insatiably. avocados are just one. also on the list are goat cheese, eggplant, and caesar salads. it is so weird.

maybe it is time to give lamb another try.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

is the plane falling out of the sky?

asks the really annoying child behind me to his sad bastard parents. no, the plane wasn't falling out of the sky (this time). oh no...we were just landing. the same child was also really fixated on the idea of the pane hitting a bird. which is no laughing matter. he kept (and kept) asking what would happen if we hit a bird. and his parents kept telling him 'nothing.' which is a total lie. i was about to interject some truth into the dialog, but then we prepared our final descent into california and i became obsessed with the landing process.

ooooh...i fucking hate flying.

oh much has happened since last i blogged. i went out to california with the sole task of securing a place to live. mission semi-accomplished.

i looked at a lot of places that were acceptable. and a lot that weren't. i was about to have to settle, when i got an offer to get a house with some fellow phd students. they are also really, really cool people. very hip. they took me out when i visited the school back in april and again this time.

i am now pretty excited about moving. and i won't be alone. which i was kind of dreading.

and speaking of being alone (or not)...and all the while i was alone the past was close behind...because what period of transition would be complete without the requisite, albeit random AND wholly unwarranted, ex-boyfriend call?

i hate to talk about my ex on here. mostly because he isn't worth the time. never was.

there was a period of time after we broke up when i would sometimes get nostalgic and call him up. this usually resulted in my crying for the remainder of the day (AFTER we got off the phone). so i finally decided enough was enough. i haven't talked to him in over a year. not since like a year and a half ago when i sent him our vacation pictures that he HAD to have. why did he want them? who the fuck knows. after all, it seems only logical that he would want to remember our lie of a relationship with photos...

anyway...actually he texted me wondering how i was because he hadn't talked to me for so long. so i called him and wanted to know why he was texting me. which was apparently because he still had some text message from like a year and a half ago in his phone and he saw it and he thought of me.


it was his typical kind of conversation. he basically told me everything i do is bullshit, including the fact that i'm moving to the la area which is apparently incredibly superficial. also, he made sure to tell me that if i really wanted to help people i would be focused on the overpopulation problem, not women's rights. the sad thing is that i think he was trying to be nice.


the point is california is awesome. and i am finally excited to move there.

more to follow... including the tale of the worst flight i've ever been on AND the fact that the past year i have developed intense cravings for food i used to hate. and maybe a little more about california.

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