Sunday, November 30, 2008

goodbye john and marlena...or, the final act in the odyssey of the golden snatch...

today is a very sad day for us all.  after years of showing us what it really means to selflessly love another person, soap opera super couple john and marlena will be no more.  i've been trying to verify this, but the closest i came was this article on soapnet.  feel free to read it yourself and draw your own conclusions, but basically in the wake of the economic crisis, nbc has decided that the salaries they pay to dierdre hall and whatever that guy's name is who plays john black are simply too much.  there's really no other way to say this...what the fuck nbc?

honestly, this recession's stopped being a joke when it's taking away the very thing that distracts people from the overwhelming futility of their own lives.  take me, for instance. i spent many an impoverished afternoon as an undergrad/waitress/ shiftless (stoner) lay about watching the stories and eating oodles of noodles.  for one whole summer my days revolved solely around days.  trust me, those were good times.  actually, it was kind of a best of times/worst of times situation.  but the best of times were spent watching the stories with my neighbor everyday.  and although days kind of lost me a few years ago when they introduced the whole alien/cloning plotline, there will always be a special place in my heart for dr. marlena evans (john too, but mostly marlena). 

what's so great about dr. marlena evans, you may be asking yourself... (that is if you are still reading this entry  and aren't completely repulsed by the sheer vapidness of the present endeavor.)  well...quite simply, EVERYTHING.  she's educated, well-spoken, beautiful, altruistic.... AND as if that weren't enough she spawned quite possibly the greatest soap character ever, other than marlena herself, the infamous sami brady.  and despite sami's devious ways, marlena still treats her with a mother's love.       

but you don't have to take my word for it.  just ask stefano di mera.   consider if you will all the mayhem that stefano's want of dr. marlena evans has incurred upon salem over the past twenty years.  brainwashing.  forced amnesia.  kidnapping.  murder.  breaking and entering.  i think he even wrote a poem or two for her.  seriously, most of us can only dream of having someone that loves us enough to hide in our closet, hypnotize us, and force us to be their queen of the night (if you remember that plot line all i can say is...respect). 

and yet through all this, john stayed by marlena's side.  she's just that awesome.  my best friend tb, who i'm sure will want to weigh in on this very important topic, and i have a theory about marlena that explains the fantastic lengths that people go to to be with her.  the  title of this entry should clear things up for you.  what other explanation could there possibly be?    

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

dear data, we need to talk...

i'm in process of working on a quantitative analysis for the stats class that i am taking. i would just like to say that i hate math. so very much. but in the interest of presenting myself as a marketable phd applicant, i am hunkering down (as my friend erin would say) and forcing myself to master something that is entirely antithetical to my nature.

the necessary interaction between myself and the data i am using can best be equated with a romantic relationship. i don't know if everyone looks it this way, in fact, i'm willing to bet that they do not, but i do. you see it's all about getting to know, playing with, and being comfortable enough with your data to reach the level of intimacy required for sophisticated analysis.

because i have not, as of yet, been able to take my relationship with my data to this next level, i think we should just break up.

i've known for some time that something has changed. i just don't feel the same way about you anymore. maybe i never really loved you at all. it seems that we don't want the same things out of life, we're just in two different places. you want to be analyzed and show correlation and i don't even know what correlation is. you want to engage in regression and i will just never be comfortable doing that. it's not who i am. for these reasons i think we should see other people. or even better we should ONLY see other people. i care about you so much and wish you all the best , data, but we are fundamentally incompatible.


ps: it's not me. it's YOU...

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

election day thoughts (from ann coulter to mickey avalon and back again)

would the following people please shut the fuck up...
1.) ann coulter.
typically i invest so little into what ann has to say that i don't even think about her at all. she is the worst kind of woman, no, human. one that spews disempowering hate speech (towards other women and minorities of all persuasions) and then says she feels comfortable in doing so based upon, wait for it, the fact that she's hot and blond.
and then i see a reference to the inane drivel that somehow is considered valid by a certain segment of the population. in this case, my attention was captured because on the social networking page of someone i went to college with is featured an application called "daily ann coulter quote" or some such nonsense. and i am enraged all over again.

2.) the people that feel that they can talk on their cell phones and do other things at the same time like drive/shop/pay for groceries. i don't enjoy being held up by your inability to multi-task and i definitely do not enjoy hearing about your personal business while i'm trying to pick out the perfect vegetables.

and while we're on the subject of grocery shopping, the self check out lane is typically also the express lane. that means there is a limit to the number of items that you should be purchasing. apparently adult literacy is a much more extensive problem in america than i thought given the amount of people go through the express check-out with far too many items. i;m sorry. it just bothers me. almost, but not quite, as much as ann coulter.

the following people should talk more...
mickey avalon. i'm going to try not to go into a long theoretical consideration of his music, which is interesting to me on many levels even though it's not really my thing. i think it's the really weird juxtaposition of individual, performance and subjective truth that really interests me.

and i'm a girl who appreciates a john holmes reference.

actually i'm a girl that appreciates a radical socialist reference. i was initially interested in why someone catering to spoiled, rich girls* would sample john sinclair, who was a militant socialist. and i'm not overly convinced of the theoretical soundness of his position either. i'm just not thoroughly convinced that you can totally equate freedom with free love and getting high.
*(these girls appear to be his target audience and their reaction to him alone is worth seeing....check out his myspace page and be incredibly entertained, although i don't know which is more shocking, the comments themselves or the bad grammar)

i don't know what it is about mickey avalon, but i could listen to him give interviews all day. it's hard enough to give a convincing interview or any other kind of public talk, much less when you're consistently discussing things about your own past that would in many cases be considered not appropriate for discussion. let's face it, there's a fine line between self deprecation and cashing in. but he manages to actually pull it off while sounding articulate and genuine at the same time.

so i could write about this all day, and maybe sometime i will, but for now i have to do actual work. and for everybody out there...go out and vote. unless you're planning to vote for mccain, and then you should just stay home.
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