Saturday, August 30, 2008

response to tb

first of all, thanks for reading my blog. right now you're the only one who has. thanks also for the thought provoking questions.
1.) i'm not sure how many different neuroses i have, it seems like something new everyday.
2.) fav celebrity...i'm going to have to break this down a little favorite celebrity of all time would have to be andy warhol no favorite celebrity to read about right now is heidi montag as it seems that every time she opens her mouth it's, um, favorite intellectual celebrity is slavoj zizek as he is without a doubt the greatest living philosopher and quite possibly the greatest contemporary fav celebrity just because they make me extremely curious(and slightly perplexed) from the theoretical perspective is mickey like for him is closely connected with my like for zizek, more on that some other time...
3.) no, it isn't bad. it's human nature and i'm not sorry.

oh, and in response to my sister's question of "who would want to read a blog that's all about you all the time?" i would have to say.... who wouldn't?

hand sanitizer stigmatization and the comfort of repetitive action (or the trouble with OCD) one of the things i struggle with on a daily basis is my tendency to give in to manifestations of my obsessive-compulsive personality traits. at this point in my life, obsessive-compulsive desires are something that i have just come to accept about myself and i now recognize the link between them and my anxiety. i spent many years self-medicating, but now i simply try to work around them for the most part by making every effort to engage in proactive behavior modification in order to maintain. this is more problematic than you might think, as when you're high functioning most people aren't even aware that you're having trouble. most of the time people assume things like you're super shy/really quiet/ not listening/not paying attention to them. that's not it, i'm just trying not to bug out.

although i do try to not just give into the obscene comfort i derive from repetitive action (it lulls my brain into the most sublimely tranquil state), there are certain behaviors that i'm just not ready to give up. one of the things i'm really into is hand sanitizer. i'm not really a germaphobe per se, i think it's more of the action of using sanitizer. while i don't fear germs, i do love the feeling of germ free hands. usually i just buy the generic drugstore kind because it's the cheapest and i go through a lot of sanitizer. however, a couple of weeks ago i was shopping with my mother an she bought me a huge bottle of designer hand sanitizer. it smells really great, which i like, but it has these blue beads suspended throughout that i think are supposed to be vitamin capsules (sorry for the poor description but i'm really not even sure what these things are much less how to describe them).

so the other day i was working and it's quite stressful at the moment and i guess i was using the sanitizer frequently throughout the duration of the day. it was all good and i was really getting into having super clean feeling hands that also smelled like vanilla. all of the sudden i started looking at my hands and i noticed that they were tinted blue. i couldn't figure out what was going on. and then it hit me. the vitamin capsules. needless to say, the the stigmatization of having hands that were tinted blue (which wouldn't wash off entirely) completely undermined any satisfaction i was deriving from the sanitizer. such is my life.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

my blog

so after the past year of critically reading and judging the blogs of others, i have decided to take a great leap forward and write one of my own. i actually write all the time, but sadly the manner in which i discuss and even what i discuss is almost always constrained in some way by academia.

my sole purpose in writing this is so that i can write only about things that i want to write about. this could include anything from celebrity gossips to my own neuroses (of which there are MANY). the point is that here, in this blog, it's all about me. all the time. that's why it's my vanity project and not yours.
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